some sort of chip

I find that being at home with baby is quite the self-discovery trip.  I guess, it has been a long time since I had the luxury of time to think.  I feel I am getting to know myself better as well as feel more comfortable in my own skin.  It is strange as I have been closet insecure most of my life.  (Great at hiding it though).

So, today I realised how big a chip I've been carrying on my shoulder.  So not wanting to conform, me nor my baby.  This is the first handmade thing I made for my first born child, my darling son:

I mean don't get me wrong.  Despite it not being the best, I am very proud of my creation.  It is the first garment I have ever made with my own hands.  Not only that, but I actually adapted a cardigan pattern (found here and here) and turned it  into a vest (let me know if you need a hand with that) And I did this all by myself.  .  But seriously, what was I trying to prove?

Oh well, onwards and upwards. Boy hasn't tried it on yet as it was on the big side.  I think now might just be about time so I just washed it for him to be wearing soon.  Hmmm, I could even post a picture.  

Random thoughts -- babycentric

Before all this, I just could not get why all parents are so babycentric. I really hoped I would never become like that myself. Why talk about them all the time?  I mean lets face it other people's children are just not that interesting. My biggest fear whilst pregnant was not to turn into one of those people myself. Boring and baby obsesed.

Four months down the line, I find myself so consumed with my baby. Almost all other interests are non-existent. Love spending time in my bubble.  Domestic bliss!  I enjoy hanging out with other mums so I can indulge in talking about the boy. At least that way I am able to stop myself boring normal people without babies. I am actually very strict, I never say nice things about the boy, infront of normal people, in case they think I've also turned into one of those boring smug parents.  But reality is different, I think my boy is AMAZING.  The most beautiful, the most clever, the most rewarding bundle of joy... Puke!

I'm typing this whilst I'm breastfeeding wondering what has happened to me and why. Hormones?  Natures way of protecting the species?  Or just an indulgence, as this is the first time I am not working and have time to myself after donkeys years.  My way of saying thank you to the boy for the time off?

Well, I might make him a little thank you present.

Dear diary..

Never saw myself as the motherly type. Children were not my thing. Made for bigger things in life.  Too interesting to conform with natures expectations.

And then I found myself with child...  Maternity leave seems a bit like a gap year travelling to find myself.  This whole New World has openned up in front of me.  A parallel universe I didn't know existed.  All these mums and baby related proffessionals smiling to one another, being supportive.  This is a world where everyone is so supportive and friendly to one another.  I live in London, this is not normal...

This is a journey I was not expecting, I am now four months in and I think it is best to take some notes.  For me to remember, but also to pass on some wisdom if I can.  This is not a blog about babies I hope, although I will be noting things I found useful along the way.  These are my notes of things that are tickling my fancy in my new found world.